The Smell of My Dog

Each of our dogs has a scent. They both smell like dogs, of course, but they each have their own unique scent. Denver's scent has changed. Tim and I can both smell it. My precious little black dog is sick. Her kidneys are failing. She probably doesn't even feel sick yet. But maybe she can smell it too. Maybe she knows? Or maybe she is like a person wearing too much cologne? Maybe she can’t sense it in herself? I’m sure Jack can smell the change, if we can. So far, Denver seems herself, except that she drinks a lot more than she used to. Because of all of the water she is drinking, she has to pee a lot. She appears to be experiencing more arthritis pain and stiffness. I expected this, because I stopped her arthritis NSAID (it may be the cause of her kidney damage). I don't know if she has months to live, or maybe even over a year. I should have a better idea of how fast this will go and how well she will respond to treatment in about 3 weeks when we do some more tests. For several reasons, I fear that she may decline quickly. It is her scent that haunts me. It is a constant reminder that she is not well. That her days with me are numbered. I am devastated. I have known for years that her loss will be very hard on me, but now I have to face it. I have been blessed to enjoy her companionship for 13 years, but I am just not ready to let her go. Hopefully, when the time comes, I will be able to let her go, and will not make her suffer.

Meanwhile, I am spoiling her. In addition to a special diet and medication to protect her kidneys, she needs access to fresh water, all of the time. And she needs to relieve herself a lot. My solution is to take her with me everywhere and keep water in the car. Since she has never liked being apart, this works for her. Once we move into our new house she'll be able to stay home and let herself out via the dog door. Until then, she's my sidekick. I suppose this is as much for me as it is for her.